Parental alienation

Separation and divorce can release many overwhelming emotions, and negative comments by one parent about the other are probably common in the early stages of separation. These comments can cause anxiety and conflicts of loyalty in children, and begin to influence their perception. 

The term alienation refers to behaviours by one parent which is said to have negatively influenced a child against the other parent, during or after parental separation. The terms Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Syndrome and Hostile Aggressive Parenting are used in the family courts.

Alienation can actually occur in a family at any time, even before separation eg one parent may persistently undermine the other while they live in the same house.

However, most parents do not purposely set out to harm the relationship between their child and other parent, and these behaviours usually decline as parents adapt to their new situation. When alienation is mild and/ or temporary, children can maintain their own views of each parent. 

A minority of parents deliberately set out to interfere with, weaken, or even destroy, the relationship between the other parent and their child. When a child rejects, either wholly or partly, a previously loved parent parent, as a result of alienation, the term Parental Alienation Syndrome is sometimes used to describe the child’s behaviours. 

The loss of a parent with whom a child had a healthy, emotional attachment can have many harmful effects, particularly on a child’s mental health. Much of the damage done may not become apparent until adulthood, eg with poor self esteem, guilt and difficulties maintaining relationships.

However, children can reject, or appear to reject, a parent for many reasons. The effects on the child depend on the quality of the relationship and reasons for loss of contact. \'Alienation\' describes behaviour, but does not pay attention to the cause of that behaviour.

If the rejected parent is abusive, and there are genuine fears for the child or mother’s well being, behaviour which limits or prevents contact should not be classed as parental alienation.

Because the notion of PAS is shown to be highly flawed, and the \'syndrome\' is not admissible in court, the term \'alienation\' is sometimes used, without reference to a syndrome, to explain a child\'s estrangement from one parent.

This is still problematic because there is often a failure to differentiate between \'alienating\' parental behaviours used to protect a child from violence and abuse, and alienation tactics used by perpetrators of abuse to deliberately estrange children from their mothers.

See also When children express a preference.