Planning ahead
It is not always possible to plan ahead, but if you have time, preparation can help you protect yourself emotionally and financially, and better achieve the life you want after separation.
Employment
If you are thinking about separating, it is important to consider improving your employability.
Statistics show that even a short break in employment can disadvantage women in the workplace.
The more you can be financially independent of your partner, whether or not you separate, the better you will be prepared if he:
- is made redundant
- dies prematurely
- gets into debt
- refuses to pay maintenance
- becomes the primary care-giver
Finances
If you are currently financially dependent on your partner, be aware that you may need to manage for months without income from him, or money released from joint equity, if you have any. Investigate what you could earn if you separate, and what state benefits you may be entitled to.
If you do not have one already, and can do so, open a current account in your sole name as soon as possible.
If you are concerned about your partner's reaction, ask your bank about whether on line or paper statements would be safer, and which contact address you can use.
If you are not involved in managing joint finances, try to spend some time looking at relevant letters and bank statements, to gain an understanding of your finances.
If you can, and it is safe to do so, keep a copy of all household income, expenditure, assets and debts.
Keep an eye on any large sums of cash taken out by your partner from sole or joint accounts.
Be aware of policies that may be in your partner’s sole name but which would actually benefit you (eg Life insurance, assurance policies, Mortgage style insurance).
Without knowledge of all joint finances, you will be vulnerable in any financial dispute during separation or divorce.
Your children
If you do decide to separate or divorce, or are thrown into the situation, try to think early on about how you and the father of your child(ren) will be involved in their up-bringing.
Time spent with your child(ren) may follow a different pattern once you are separated, and each family needs to find what is best for them.
If your partner prevents you taking these measures
If your partner tries to prevent you from working outside the home, seeing financial information, or having your own bank account, this may be indicative of controlling behaviour. See Domestic abuse.
If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship see also Staying safe.
