Charity number: 1135731; Company number: 7117962;
Registered address: Oxford Place Centre, Oxford Place, Leeds LS1 3AX
If you are leaving an abusive relationship, think about where you might go in advance, eg
the home of a family member or friend
a refuge – contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0800 2000 247
Have your own bank account, in your sole name, if you can. Try and accumulate enough money to cover living expenses for at least a month, and more if possible.
Keep packed, or ready to take:
a mobile phone
- always keep it charged and credit topped up
- keep essential telephone numbers on the phone, and in a separate address book, of relatives and friends, Domestic Violence Helpline, local police, your child’s school, GP, dentist, your bank, work, Inland Revenue, etc
- memorise the most important telephone numbers
keys to the house and car
all bank and credit cards
important documents and/ or copies, relevant to you and the children
eg passports, driving licence, car registration documents, birth certificates, marriage certificate, any written evidence of abuse eg restraining orders, mortgage or rental agreements, other financial information eg bank account numbers, medical and school records, diaries, photographs, jewellery
spare clothes for you and the children
children’s favourite toys, children’s school bag and uniform
money and spare keys
medication
Keep as much as you can in the place where you intend to escape to, or elsewhere away from the family home.
Staying safe
Free advice
supports women who are or have been experiencing domestic abuse.
24 hour National
Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
(Freephone number)
or see your phone book for your nearest branch.
Tel 020 7251 6577
offer free confidential legal advice to women, run by women.
Whether or not you have decided definitely to separate, it is best to plan with caution.
Actions by either you or your partner could provoke mistrust, conflict and/ or retaliation, which may escalate into personal danger, and a prolonged and expensive legal battle.
Separation can be an especially difficult or dangerous time for women, as domestic abuse (if present) often increases, or can appear when there was none before.
If your partner is physically or emotionally abusive, a safe escape plan will help you leave, either in an emergency or as a planned exit.
Consider having post relevant to your plans (including information from Maypole) sent to a different address – you could even buy a PO Box at your local post office, and collect your post from there. (Although be aware that the actual address behind a PO Box is traceable - if this is a problem, you could give the address of a friend or your solicitor when applying for the PO Box.)
Be aware that it is easy to track your activities on a computer, including web sites you have visited, E mails and the contents of deleted files. If you fear your ex might track what you are doing, and this might put you at risk, cover your tracks.
Also do what you can to ensure financial security.
A safe separation plan
If you flee the family home due to
domestic violence,
take your children with you if you can.
If you become separated for several weeks or months a court may decide it is in the children’s best interest that they stay in the family home with their father, to minimise disruption to their lives.
If fear or violence does force you to leave them behind, contact the police and a solicitor as soon as possible.
If your partner leaves and you stay in the family home
If you fear for your safety, dial 999, and/ or contact a domestic violence support organisation (see this page) for advice.
Cover your tracks
Everything you do on a PC, on and off line, leaves a record, which can be traced.
If you are still living with your partner, he can follow what web sites you have visited, the E mails you send, and the word documents you have opened.
Even if your PC is set up to ask for a password before you can access your files, it can be broken in to.
It may be better to use a PC at a friend or relative’s house, at work if possible, at or your local library, or an internet cafe.
Ending Violence Against Women and Women’s Aid both provide more detailed information about covering your tracks, which is relevant to all women, whether or not you feel you are at risk of domestic abuse.