Charity number: 1135731; Company number: 7117962;
Registered address: Oxford Place Centre, Oxford Place, Leeds LS1 3AX
You and your needs
Separation and divorce are processes, not single events that happen on a particular day. Change, even when it is chosen, can be very stressful. It involves building a new life, and finding a new you.
There will often be many practical matters to sort out, including finding a new home and job, and difficult emotions to manage.
If you go read information on parenting through divorce, or go through the court system, you will find relenting emphasis on putting children’s needs first. Mothers, as primary care givers, bear the primary burden of this responsibility.
There is much reference to children’s rights and parents’ responsibilities (terms defined by Family Law). Fathers’ rights, in maintaining relationships with their children, are also upheld by the Children Act, 1989. Mothers’ rights and needs are rarely, if ever, considered.
Maypole believes that mothers’ needs are equally as important as children’s needs, and - because children fare better when their parents, especially their primary care giver, are happy - the two cannot be separated.
So to be the best mother you can, you need to look after yourself too. There may be times when putting your children’s needs first directly contradicts with your own needs. As children need parents who are able to function well, both emotionally and physically, do not feel guilty if there are times when you cannot meet everyone’s needs at once. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and no child has ever grown up with one. Children are resilient, and if you do your best to meet their needs whilst keeping yourself well, you are doing a great job.
Maypole is sometimes contacted by journalists who would like to hear about mothers’ experiences.
If you are considering talking to a journalist please see our leaflet
Talking to the media - Maypole guidance
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